UPSB v3
Serious Discussion / Reconciliation
with my Dad
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Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 06:45:51
Here is a letter I wrote to my Dad which I plan on giving to him. We have been having problems lately and I just want to show you guys. A lot of this personal, I just took out my full name and birth date. Feel free to leave any comments and suggestions to help solve my situation with my Dad and I.
Dear Dad,
I am writing this letter to inform you of our relationship, as well as myself as a person. You may be aware that our relationship is not very friendly. I believe it will be easier for myself to write a letter to you rather than talking to you about it. This way is it easier for me to speak and be heard, without any interruptions. It also allows me to gather and collect my thoughts, that way my arguments and opinions are well expressed. I hope you read this in its entirety.
First, I want to tell you who I am as a person. I believe this will help you understand what I am experiencing and feeling. Let me introduce myself. Hello, my name is Aries. I am 15 years old. I attended Murray Elementary School from 1st grade to 5th grade. Throughout my elementary attendance, I gained friends and respect from others around me. I then progressed and became the most popular kid in the school. At that time I was at the top of the world. I had many friends and many admirers. I played “Yu-gi-oh†the card game as well as “Pokemonâ€. I made many mistakes. I used swear words a lot because I heard you say them so I thought it was okay as long as I don’t get caught. Now, I realize that swearing only makes me look bad as a person. Since, becoming the most popular kid on campus, I knew I had power and a reputation. I liked this girl named Abby, since the 3rd grade. I flirted and became friends with her. Near the end of the year, we went to a camp for a week. There we had a dance on the last day of camp, I knew I was moving to a new school. This gave me the courage to ask her to a dance. Apparently, this was new to my friends, they stared and awed at me dancing with the most popular girl in school. She disliked my friends staring, and left me by myself. I then knew it was over. From then on I slowly forgot about her as I entered a new school, Iron Horse Middle School. My first day to this school was eventful. I stood and looked around for any familiar faces. I saw none. Then this boy introduced himself to me. He was dark skinned, a bit taller than I, and had a smile on his face. His name is Karan. We both checked our schedules and saw that we both had the same 1st period class, science with Mrs. Irwin. The bell rang and we both walked to our first class together. I had met my first friend since moving to San Ramon. Once seated, I watched other students walk in the door. I found out that my friend Karan had the same birthday as I. As the year went by I came to know two other very special people. They too were in my science class. Their names are Brian Perry and Mitchell Cheng. Throughout the 3 years of middle school, I met many more friends. Brian and Mitchell became my best friends and we became inseparable. This year taught me many things. One of these life lessons was to grow up. Before I had always cried, whether it be that I was in trouble, forgot a homework assignment, someone making fun or me, etc. I knew that it was time to grow up and that crying did not solve anything. From then on I did not cry. I also enjoyed watching a girl named Jessica Wambsgans. She was lets say “well-developedâ€, and it caught my attention. She was in my history class. I continued to marvel at her till 8th grade. Being that 7th grade was not significant, I will move on to my 8th grade year. This is where I met Allen, an ex-friend I will talk about later on. I also obtained more friends. Their names are Ryan, William, Jonathan, Brandon, Edmond, Ken, and many others. Back to Jessica, I was in her science class. One day her friend Nadia, who sat at the same table as I, wrote a note asking whom I liked. I told her Jessica. She covered her mouth in awe. She then proceeded to tell Jessica who was next to her. From then on I knew it was over, it was always awkward with her from then on. 8th grade year was one of the best years of my life yet. I met many friends even though I lost many. It taught me many lessons, but more are yet to come. After graduating I earned a President’s Award. Till this day you are still proud of my achievement. I then proceeded to enter high school. I lost most of my friends because they lived too far away from California High School, and they either go to Monte Vista High School or Dougherty Valley High School. My best friend Mitchell was one of those friends. Brian fortunately was still with me and attends the same school, as I. Freshman year was intimidating seeing many mature people. I went on with confidence. Again I met many new friends, too many to name, but one of those significant people is Edmond. I had met him back at Iron Horse Middle School. Throughout the year he soon replaced the missing third in our best friend trio. Freshman year was a year of new experiences; I did not develop any likings toward anybody. My classes overall were quite entertaining. I met Allen Xu, the tennis player. He and I soon became friendly with each other as you are acquainted with his father. In Geometry I met Allen Tse, my ex-friend. He was very excited and bouncy, literally. In biology I slept all throughout the class. When my teacher was presenting his power points I just went to sleep. He didn’t seem to notice or care. I still earned a B first semester and an A second semester. Other than that all my other classes were fairly insignificant. Brian, Edmond and I always hung out during lunch and walked around campus. We called it “wanderingâ€. Allen Tse soon joined us, as I invited him to join, and we became friends. Freshman year was quite satisfying. Moving on to my second year, being a sophomore. Sophomore year was quite terrible grade wise. This year also had its advantages. This was the year where I became exposed and came to a realization. I became lazy. I was always boring and not exciting. Allen Tse became a problem. I think it may be that he became too comfortable with us. He began to do awkward things. These actions would go from always moving around, to literally humping tables. We realized that his would become a problem and saw that we had nothing in common with Allen. The three of us, Edmond, Brian and I, attempted to avoid Allen. Over a course of four months he continued to pursue us. We finally realized that he had to be told the truth. We told him that we did not want to hang out with him. We tried to be as subtle as we could so that he wouldn’t come to hate us, or do something irrational. He did become quite angry, but not so much as to threaten us. The next day, he approached us and we knew he did not get the message that we wanted him out of the group. It took several more tries and then we successfully got rid of Allen Tse. That was pretty much the highlight of the whole year. I also made friends with a guy named Robert. I first met him in my Algebra 2 class. He had noticed me pen spinning and decided to approach me. From then on we are still friends and he may be one of my best friends. He introduced me to skateboarding. He gave me a board to try out, and I decided to pick up the sport. I began to love this sport. I learned very quickly. Skateboarding has now become apart of my life. Now is the present. I am now a junior. Rae has also joined California High School. So far, my classes are going great, my friends are awesome and I am having the time of my life like 8th grade, except for the increasing fights and arguments we have. Allen Tse now eats alone in the middle of the quad. He still hasn’t tried to gain any other friends, or everyone he tries to meet has rejected him. I hope he gains friends that accept him as who he is. Edmond and Brian are still my best friends. We still “wander†around campus. Rae introduced me to his friends. Only adding to the many friends I already have. Rae then met a girl. Her name is Rockey. She introduced us to many of her friends. Her best friends are Gabby, Andrea, and Khaela. We became good friends and grew to like each other. Rae and I, frequently stay after school for about an hour to talk and socialize. Rae and Rockey soon grew close, and they are now boyfriend and girlfriend. Since then, they have already had some rough and good times. They haven’t kissed according to what I have seen and heard. Gabby and I also grew close. I asked her out and now we are girlfriend and boyfriend. Depending on when you read this letter, their birthday party may have passed or not. It is on a Saturday and both Rae and I plan on going, because…well, they are our girlfriends and they are expecting us to come. I enjoy being with Gabby, and Rae with Rockey. Our relationship does not interfere with our studies. In other news, I also started a pen-spinning club. It is a hobby both Rae and I enjoy. This year has more to come, and I can only hope that it will get better.
Secondly, it is time to address the issues and my feeling and opinions towards them. What seems to me is the biggest issue is our relationship with each other. The past year, we haven’t talked about anything other than school. I realize that school is a very important matter, but it’s not the focus of life. We both need to lessen the stress we have upon my studies. I am doing fine. I will explain what is happening in my classes in chronological order. 1st period I have Architectural Design. I looked forward to this class as I thought I would be constructing. Apparently we are only designing on the computer, and we print out a 3-D model. In the class it is not fairly busy because the teacher is quite forgetful. Usually, this is a class where I can sleep, study, or surf the net. 2nd period I have Video Production. This is one of my favorite classes. I literally get to produce videos. Our current assignment was to produce a film upon a break up, between a boyfriend and girlfriend. I have already decided to major in film and video production. 3rd period I have Physics. This is a class where the teacher is nice, but the class itself is moderate. I do have homework, but it is not much if you understand what is taught in class. 4th period I have Trigonometry. I have this class with my friend Robert. The teacher is not very good at his job, by that I mean he can’t teach well. He assigns a moderate amount of homework, but assigns individual problems, so it’s a pain to copy down the homework. 5th period I have English. This class is very boring. All we do is read, and nothing else happens. 6th period I have U.S. History. This is a very fun class. The teacher is a young woman at the age of 25. She is energetic and loves students. Although she may seem laidback, she is a very good teacher. I learn more in her class because it is quite interactive. Because of the way she teaches she makes learning fun, making the facts stick in my head. This class is also quite easy. The classes I may have problems in may be Physics and Trigonometry. But, so far nothing has gone awry. Education is not an issue you should be worried about. Again, the issue I want to solve is our relationship.
I will now discuss my issues with you. As you know I love to pen spin and skateboard. They are hobbies and sports. You tell me that I waste my time doing these things. Seeing as I don’t know you as a person, I can’t relate to you. Did you ever have any hobbies when growing up? If so, did you ever want someone to encourage you in these sports and hobbies? That’s what I want from our relationship. A father is supposed to encourage his son. No matter what his actions are. A father should become an emotional, physical, and spiritual support. A father isn’t supposed to throw negative comments at his son. If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything. Don’t take away my passion and love for skateboarding. If you’re wondering what my reasons are for pursuing this sport, I will tell you now. I love successfully learning and landing a new trick. It helps me to learn how to set a goal and work hard for it. The reward I get from finally achieving that goal only makes me grow more confident. It is also a way I can connect to friends and have fun at the same time. Skateboarding is also a form of exercise. Since, I don’t have a physical education class anymore, it is the only other form of exercise I enjoy. As I said before you learn more from having fun, compared to disliking and hating what is being taught, and not learning anything because you are too concentrated on how much you dislike it. I also pen spin for the same reasons I skateboard. If you want, I can teach you how to skateboard, seeing that Rae doesn’t skateboard. It will give us some common ground to work our relationship upon. Moving on, I want to work on your emotions. Do not take this as an insult, but your emotions run wild like Earvin and Josh. You become angry, quite easily. Your anger also takes control of your actions. When you’re in a bad mood, it only makes everyone around you angry as well. If you haven’t noticed, your conversations with Mama C. are usually not very pleasant. It always ends with you steaming or yelling and muttering insults under your breath. As you can see I have pointed out the relationship between your mom and yourself. I don’t want ours to be the same. Remember that she is only getting older, and she won’t be there forever. She never yells back at you as I have noticed. You should recognize when you are yelling and lower your voice. That way both of you may be able to speak without any affliction. As with your children, when you are angry, you yell. The tiniest things tick you off. For example, you always yell at us to fix our clothes and beds. I know you are teaching us to be neat and tidy, as well as being responsible for our belongings. But there is no need to yell to get the message across even when you are angry. It may be difficult to control your feelings, but you should learn how to control them. There are several ways to let your anger out without afflicting anyone. A good way is to play video games. Don’t say you are too old to play. A simple game like Pong, Pacman, Space Invaders, or Tetris, can help relieve stress. You can also channel your anger through something productive. If you’re angry you can do something your passionate about. When I become angry, I skateboard. Sometimes this helps me and I am able to put that energy into something I love to do and not bother anyone. In your case, I noticed you like to play golf. When you’re angry you can just go over to the driving range, and hit the ball with the anger you contain in yourself. You may even hit farther than you normally do, only decreasing the anger you have and increasing the confidence you have. When you control your anger you seem more approachable. I can approach you and tell you about my day, without worrying about being yelled at or criticized. Simply putting us at a step closer to achieving a better relationship with each other. Another issue I find about you is that you care too much about what others think about. Shouldn’t it be time that you grew up out of high school? I can only relate this because you care too much about your children’s image. Every time you see our hair, you brush it. Maybe the way you brush it was cool back when you were a kid. Right now, no one really cares how you style your hair, as long as it doesn’t look like you just got out of bed. As well as me getting my nailed painted. What is the problem with that? You said that people might say, “Are you gay?†Yes, they do. But I do not care what their opinions of me are. The only opinion you should care about is your own. You have to learn that you can’t let others’ opinions to control and shape your lifestyle. You only have on life so live it the way you want it. This also affects you emotion and self-satisfaction. If you concentrate too much upon how people think of you, you yourself can’t be satisfied until your peers are. By now you should know that it is impossible to satisfy your peers. People who accept you for who you are are your friends. I also want to talk about is myself growing up. I think it is time that you allow me more freedom. You still control the way I want my hair. When you think it’s too long you cut it. I tell you that it’s fine if you cut it, but not a bowl cut. In the end you still cut it as a bowl cut. It’s time you let go and let your kids grow up. I know that I have a lot to learn, but I am still growing up, but I can’t do that if you don’t let me.
I hope that his letter helps explain what my life is like and the problems that I have. It may also explain why I don’t talk much to you. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I also want to thank you for being a father, but also considering taking my advice and becoming a better one. Please take my opinion and statements into consideration. Also, if you can, please respond to this letter with a letter to me. It is more convenient and allows you to collect your thoughts. Take some time to fully understand what I am tying to tell you, and then write back. I look forward to seeing you write back and telling me your side of the story.
Sincerely,
Aries -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 07:11:18
a very good move to be brave enough to solve this problem with your dad!
i salute you.
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Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 07:23:54
Thx as i said before you've just made my day and earned respect.
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Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 07:26:34
*sigh* it saddens me to see such a relationship like this...
first off, i would like to say how appreciative this makes me feel now of my own father because he's always saying how he wants to develop a better relationship with me because he didn't have a good relationship with his own father (like how your father doesn't have a good relationship with your grandmother)...
anyway...i'm not gonna even bother commenting on your entire life story since it's not really relevant to the situation at hand
so...some problems i personally found in your essay were:
1. you asked for your dad to change because your current relationship with him is bothering you... but then you later say that he shouldn't care how others think about him... doesn't that include your views of him as well? should he disregard those?
2. if your dad is what you make him sound like in this, i don't think he'll take your, what i found to be, condenscending attitude well... you're asking him to take your advice like he is some child and you are the mature person. As true as that may be, and it probably is, your father's current personality might not react to this kindly
3. you say how a father should be there to support their child and their dreams all the way... now, as true as this should be... perhaps he is thinking that he wants you to be as successful as possible in the future and that you may dislike him for not letting you do what you want now, but in the future, and in the long run, it'll be better for you (<--just a possibility for the reason for his words/actions)
4. you ask your father about his own hobbies/passions when he was a kid... but you know, the previous generation tended to be completely obedient to their fathers (not so much towards their mothers) and if the son was told to do something, it was done. if the son was told to drop a hobby, it was gone.
...now, that may have been the ways during the last generation, and time have changed.... but he may not realize it and is still very traditional about things
...you may tell him that times have changed, and that kids can now have hobbies and freedoms--but he might just see that as rebellion against your father
aries, you have to realize that the way that you're father is --traditionalistic-- he will most likely not listen to a thing that his rebel son has to say (i'm only saying rebel son cause that's the way he may view you as....)
To you: you are a young person pursuing your dreams and ambitions and enjoying life as much as possible
To him: you are defying his control over the family as a father, and are dragging yourself into a deeper pit and grimmer future if you continue doing what you do
But even with all that said, it's only what I think will result from it after reading about how your father is. I do think that this is very thoughtful of you to do and write up to give to him, and like you've said... it prevents interruptions--which are such a pain when I sometimes try to talk to my dad when he is occasionally angry.
I suppose just wait to see what he writes and then write something back in hopes of a compromise that can be settled at. Cause I HIGHLY doubt you'll get all the wants that you want in this letter.
Good luck with your problems Aries, and I wish you the best of luck with your dad.
--oh, and yeah, i know i said i'll read this tomorrow, but i was just much too curious to read what it was about/didn't wanna do my hw so i figured i'll read/comment now =P -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 07:36:20
Thx for your support, about the views from others and whether or not he should consider mine, i was talking about appearance and how others perceive you from the outside.
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Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 12:06:05
i think you might wanna cut down a bit on the front about yourself. Its long enough a letter to read already.
Best of luck! -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 12:34:56QUOTE (Glamouraz @ Oct 20 2008, 08:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>i think you might wanna cut down a bit on the front about yourself. Its long enough a letter to read already.
Best of luck!
isn't longer letter = better
=\? since that just shows how much more effort he put into it
and plus, his dad must not know too much about his life if their relationship is that bad -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 12:37:30
yeah i guess but his dad would only read all of it if he really cared.
You need something to touch his heart early and he'll wanna read more. -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 12:41:25QUOTE (Glamouraz @ Oct 20 2008, 08:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>yeah i guess but his dad would only read all of it if he really cared.
You need something to touch his heart early and he'll wanna read more.
it's not like it's some stranger reading it where you have to catch their attention and touch their heart in order for them to keep on reading
this isn't like one of us reading a book
this is a father reading his own son's words--i'm sure that he'll sit through and read this
plus, it's not like this was even thatttt long
it's long for us just to pass by this topic and sit through and read all that, but if it's his father reading it in paper form, it's gonna be like what? 3 pages? that's not bad at all -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 13:06:19
I personally think that the whole part at the beginning where you are introducing your personal life to your dad is a very nice touch, and it will definitely help drive your main point home of getting to know each other a little bit better.
I do agree with JC when he said that yoour attitude in your letter seems somewhat condescending, as you are labeling his faults out like that for him to read, and considering his attitude that you have describe, he might not take that well, and possible the wrong way.
Maybe you can think about some of your own faults that your dad might not like, or criticizes often. The nail painting and the hair cutting is definitely a good part to put in there, but you should elaborate and how it makes you feel when he takes control of stuff like that.
My dad is pretty much a toned down version of yours, and I know that our relationship is a little rocky. I have accepted that it might just be my personality and attitude though, as I am a pretty short tempered guy and I don't usually have the best attitude in certain situations, nor do I make the best decision on what do say or do. Him and I butt heads a lot, and we do argue from time to time. He tells me all the time that my hair is too long, that I'm always wasting my time with trivial stuff and that I'm not going to succeed in life.
Tell your dad how his criticism makes you feel, don't just tell him to change and point out his faults on paper like that for him to read. Make your letter seem more like an attempt at settling your relationship than a letter with a judgmental tone.
I commend you on taking the initiative to communicate with your dad about the problems that are bothering you though, and I definitely wish you the best of luck. -
Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 13:28:36
I only have one problem with this letter.
A lot of video games make me a lot angrier.gif)
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Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 13:47:59
Wow, If I was your father, I'd feel owned. Like, c'mon telling your dad to leave you alone, don't mind your hair, grow up from high school, c'mon man..But you're such a brave man, Aries, if I were you, I wouldn't be able to do that because he might just yell at me and say "putangina mo!!!" lol
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Date: Mon, Oct 20 2008 13:58:02
and put some paragraphs, it'll look neater and more organized.
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Date: Tue, Oct 21 2008 22:53:35
WALL O TEXT
Separate paragraphs are needed. -
Date: Wed, Oct 22 2008 00:32:57
this is very well though out. i salute you. it deeply saddens me to see a relationship in this state. i think it's great you want to improve your relationship with your father, because, lets face it- he won't be around forever. i know that may sound cruel and blunt, but sometimes you have to look at things this way. my father was a alcoholic/ narcotic. we never had a good relationship until the day he almost died from an overdose. that day was one of the scariest days of my life. to have a good relationship is one of the most important things in life. so therefore, you have gained my ultimate respect by taking this action.
ps- handwrite this letter (if you haven't given it to him already, as a hand written letter is more personal than a robot font) -
Date: Wed, Oct 22 2008 03:21:41
I'm sure a lot of us can definitely relate to current or past conflicts with parents, and I think it will be a testament to our collective character if we come together to help Aries with his situation. After all, I've always believed that we, as a community, share a mutual bond and camaraderie that extends deeper than a common like for pen spinning.
Since this thread is an exceptional case, I'll forgo the usual Serious Discussion rules and leave all posts up as long as they support or help Aries in some way. If you only want to offer a few words of support or encouragement, that's fine. I'll pin this thread until Aries gives the letter to his father. -
Date: Wed, Oct 22 2008 05:12:18
Thx for the support i have yet to give him the letter. I will take the hand written letter into consideration. I plan on giving it to him on Sunday.
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Date: Sun, Oct 26 2008 04:52:32QUOTE (TurbulentTurtle @ Oct 20 2008, 09:06 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I do agree with JC when he said that yoour attitude in your letter seems somewhat condescending, as you are labeling his faults out like that for him to read, and considering his attitude that you have describe, he might not take that well, and possible the wrong way.
That, and after reading your letter, I realised your dad is a slightly toned down version of mine. I can relate to what you are saying, but keep this is mind: You have Asian parents, who have Asian values, who are less likely to be "Westernized" and less open to criticism/feedback. I have drafted simliar letters like that before, but could not bear to send it because I knew what the consequences would be like. Also, it takes 2 hands to clap. If your dad gets irritated at even the slightest thing, then why not give him nothing to be irritated about? You should also try to change yourself, as that is the only variable you have utmost control over in a parent-child relationship.
IMO, instead of writing it down, you should first put it into action. For example, when your dad flares up, reason it out with him, make him realise its silly and immature of him to throw an adult tantrum. That is the best way to respond, not throwing a similar tantrum in response. Meet kindness with kindness, anger with kindness, although it might seem really hard to go against your heart, use your brain and decide what would be the best decision to take, that is key to a successful relationship. -
Date: Sun, Oct 26 2008 06:18:18
That's the problem. I can't reason out with him. And I've changed a lot. I bend to his will, and yet anything I try to do/ change isn't satisfactory. In my opinion it is better to stand up for what you believe in rather than changing for someone. This statement may sound hypocritical as of now, till I give my letter to my Dad.
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Date: Sun, Oct 26 2008 14:24:40
shouldnt u write this letter in chinese or something
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Date: Mon, Oct 27 2008 15:06:22QUOTE (Zombo @ Oct 26 2008, 10:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>shouldnt u write this letter in chinese or something
Bahasa i believe -
Date: Wed, Oct 29 2008 15:47:31QUOTE (Zombo @ Oct 26 2008, 10:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>shouldnt u write this letter in chinese or somethingQUOTE (Gunblakes @ Oct 27 2008, 11:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>Bahasa i believe
I'm Filipino. So it would be Tagalog, I don't know how to write in Tagalog or speak it.
"Putang ina mo" my dad always says that to me. -
Date: Sat, Nov 1 2008 06:38:30
whoa dude thats heavy, i seriously didn't know how bad you and your dad had it (i always thought you just exaggerated hella)
But yeah;
Not pissed at you anymore since i found some other people to hang with today (get on aim, stories of fail and epic shall ensue)
and how the hell are you online?
let me know how this goes dude
EDIT: whoa does the haircut thing have anything to do with your jacked hair the past few days? shit...sorry -
Date: Mon, Nov 3 2008 06:53:42
So...when do you plan on giving the letter to him?
And have you written it out by hand yet? I also think that's a really good idea. -
Date: Mon, Nov 17 2008 02:21:52
Ok. I'm unpinning this because it's no longer current. People have given you advice and it's up to you to decide what to do.
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Date: Wed, Nov 19 2008 02:42:48
Okay I cannot believe i took the time to read that xD
first of all, this sounds a lot just like my dad and my older brother's relationship.
My dad is a very mean person too, and when it came to my brother's studies, he was very serious.
Every single time my brother would do something not study related, he would get pissed off
My brother got into many fights with my dad, as me and my mom watched in awe as they went at it. One time my brother was asking my dad for some help on his math (back then when he was in middle school) and my dad said he would think about it and tell him the next morning. As the next morning came, he came up to my brother and said that he knew how to do it. My brother interrupted automatically, and said that he knew how to do it. He said "Go away dad, I know how to do it now I don't need help!"
My dad immediately slapped him in the face and my brother started crying. My brother later went off to school, and my mom had a serious talk with my dad. She said that if he did not apologize to my brother when we came home, she would leave him. So, my dad did end up appoligizing.
Another time, my brother was studying for SAT's, and he went to a party about 3 days before. My dad went into a craze and got all mean on him. They had an argument that left both of them mad into the night. My brother did in fact though get a very good score on the SAT.
My brother left into college, and the first month he called home and said to my mom" College is amazing, it is the best time of my life!"
He had spent 1 year not even coming home from school, not even on the holidays.
Finally he came home when spring break came, and his relationship with my dad was instantly revived. I don't know, but my mom described it as in chinese that my brother "understands matters" now.
I do not know what my brother came upon in that year or so, but it was probably the realization that my dad had to struggle through so much to get to america. He had to leave to England, when his son was 2 months old, to study and go to college to get a better job. When my dad came back, my brother was about 5 years old. Imagine having to leave ur own child, at so young, and not seeing him for 4 years?
That must be hard on you eh?
My brother and my dad's relationship grew, and to this day, they are better friends.
My dad tells me that he no longer cares for my brother, just provides him tuition money, and some money in the bank once in awhile.
He says that he has grown up to an adult, and he can no longer force him to do anything.
My brother is now 22, and is in Med school. I though, am 10 years younger than him.
hope this helped you a bit from reading it. -
Date: Wed, Nov 19 2008 03:04:08
thats tough stuff man. i hope it all works out for the better.
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Date: Thu, Nov 27 2008 07:26:32
I gave a letter to both my mom and dad to read. They didn't take it seriously and laughed, mocked, and ridiculed it. I think I will have to survive this until I'm 18.
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Date: Thu, Nov 27 2008 08:22:07QUOTE (Aries @ Nov 27 2008, 06:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I gave a letter to both my mom and dad to read. They didn't take it seriously and laughed, mocked, and ridiculed it. I think I will have to survive this until I'm 18.
Oh ... that must have hurt ... whenever I try discussing something serious with my dad, he takes it the other way and jokes about it ....
I know how it feels. -
Date: Thu, Nov 27 2008 11:43:28
itz hard life when ur at western culture and ur parenst are traditional but its only right if u do wat they say coz i mean they suffered to get u here like for me, one of my family membes (not saying who) died just to get here, in australia and my parents want me to study loads to get a good job and lots of money coz we, the chlidren, have a better oppurtunity in life than they had when the suffered more than us. its just that they dont understand the fact western cultures are about this bs popularity. its wat im having atm coz my parenst are strict >.> but i know why they are like that coz im lucky to live somewhere safe.
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Date: Sat, Nov 29 2008 06:14:18QUOTE (Aries @ Nov 27 2008, 03:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I gave a letter to both my mom and dad to read. They didn't take it seriously and laughed, mocked, and ridiculed it. I think I will have to survive this until I'm 18.
how can they do that! -
Date: Sat, Nov 29 2008 07:32:54
I read 2/3 of it then lightly skimmed through the rest.
1 thing that sorta stuck out, dont talk about your brother's relationship. Thats his thing and his choice to talk to your dad about.
The rest is fine. Then again I dont talk to my parents so w/e. -
Date: Mon, Dec 1 2008 22:45:20
I think you should be optimistic about the state your relationship is in.
I mean compare it to other peoples for instance.
Such as mine. ;]
I would love to have the relationship you have. -
Date: Sat, Feb 14 2009 19:37:44QUOTE (Scott Shaputis @ Dec 2 2008, 06:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>I think you should be optimistic about the state your relationship is in.
I mean compare it to other peoples for instance.
Such as mine. ;]
I would love to have the relationship you have.
Why? What happened? Share with us if possible.